The Ups and Downs

I got out early from orchestra today and when I walked into the hallway I could hear the Philharmonic Orchestra rehearsing.  They were playing the end of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture (ctrl click on this, the best is 3:55 to the end).  It stopped me in my tracks.  I had to stay and listen.  I love that piece.  It is so powerful.
Whenever I hear great music it makes me cry. 

I walked to my next class playing the music in my mind, thrilled that the Phil would be performing it.

Then, I walked into class.

Every time I go to this class I feel inadequate.  I feel like I am drowning in a pool full of Olympic swimmers.  Every single time I go, I feel frustration building inside of me.  I want to cry.  I don't know anything and I don't know how to learn it.  I go to lecture and people ask stupid questions that make the material even harder to understand.  I look at my assignment and I don't even know where to begin.  And I try not to cry, because that would be embarrassing.

Then I think about how happy I was before, back when I had just listened to the end of the 1812 Overture, and I wish that I could hold on to that.

But it slips through my fingers.