Goodbye, Death Valley.

So I wrote this about two weeks ago, but I wanted to add pictures and I loaned my camera to my sister, so I had to wait.

I just got back from a fantastic field trip to Death Valley in California.  We left early Friday morning and got back late Sunday night.  Through a series of events, I wasn't able to bring a tent.  But it was ok because the weather was perfect for sleeping outside.  The sky was clear, the stars were beautiful, the moon was just past full.  There was a bit of chill, but after the heat of the day, that was welcome.

We walked on sand dunes as high as two hundred feet.  We examined the sands, looking at their grain sizes and compositions, and guessed where we thought they came from.  Then trudged back to the vans in the scorching heat.

It was so hot! I thought I was going to die.

We ate lunch on a crater, where our bread toasted itself in the heat.  Then drove on a bumpy dirt road for nearly an hour at speeds that almost rattled my teeth out.  I seriously thought the vans were going to fall apart with us in them.  Then we saw the tracks that rocks make as they travel across playas.  I still think aliens are involved somehow.

Do you see the rock at the end of the trail?

We walked below sea level and tasted the rocks there.  Nice and salty.  Then we came home.

We are about 280 ft (85m) below sea level.

Yum ^_^

As glad as I was to come home, I wish that the field trip could have continued.  Reality is so difficult to navigate, it's always nice to have a break.

Trying to be Responsible

I moved my computer away from the tv. 

It was kind of a big production because I had to clear off my desk.  Somehow it became covered in junk.  I don't know where it all came from, it was just there.  I also had to move a pile of clothes off my chair.  Also, maybe I had to move some clothes off the floor so I could get to my chair...  There's a possibility I have too many clothes.

So, now I am going to be super productive, right? 

I certainly hope so, because things are happening with school, and stuff (mostly school), which means that I should probably watch a heck-a-ton less tv and do a heck-a-lot more homework.

Except, since moving my computer back where I won't be as distracted by tv, I have written a blog post instead of doing homework.  Whoops.   

I am in Love with My TV

There's this thing that I do called school that has killed any time that I have.  Except that really there's this other thing called TV that is the real culprit.
I'm sort of addicted.  And by sort of, I mean really a lot.
Basically, I am watching TV and going to school on the side.

There's this show that I really like that is on late at night, pretty much when I should be going to bed (actually, when it is on, I should probably already be asleep), and I just can't stop myself from watching it.  Even if I have seen the episode they are showing, it sucks me in.  My willpower disappears and I am glued to the TV screen.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to go to TV rehab soon.

A couple of days ago, I tried a new thing, I brought my computer down by the TV so I could do my homework during the commercials...  It didn't work.
I watched most of a Dick Van Dyke Show Marathon.  I also watched more TV and did less homework than before. 

What brilliantly, devious person came up with the idea of TV show marathons?  How is a person supposed to get anything done?  It's hard enough when the show plays once a week, or once a day.  But if it plays 18 times in a row, what's a person supposed to do? 

There's no escape.  There's only one solution.  I'm going to have to drop out of school.

Also, The Dick Van Dyke show is hilarious.  You should watch it.

I think sometimes I think too much

Sometimes I lay on the floor in front of my computer and I pretend to do homework, but really I'm listening to the TV playing downstairs, wondering what show my sister is watching and if I will regret it if I go down to see.

This weekend has been good.  I listened a lot.  And some things became clear to me.  I have to make some decisions, decisions I thought that I had already made, but I'm not sure if I decided the right thing, so I have to decide again.  These decisions scare me.  What if I am wrong?  What if I don't choose right?  What if there is no right and it doesn't matter what I decide, as long as I really decide, instead of decide by not deciding?  If that makes any sense.

I'm afraid of the future.  It's scary and full of possibilities and uncertain and I'm afraid I will ruin it.  But since I can't stop time, I guess I will just have to face my fears and move forward.

The Ups and Downs

I got out early from orchestra today and when I walked into the hallway I could hear the Philharmonic Orchestra rehearsing.  They were playing the end of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture (ctrl click on this, the best is 3:55 to the end).  It stopped me in my tracks.  I had to stay and listen.  I love that piece.  It is so powerful.
Whenever I hear great music it makes me cry. 

I walked to my next class playing the music in my mind, thrilled that the Phil would be performing it.

Then, I walked into class.

Every time I go to this class I feel inadequate.  I feel like I am drowning in a pool full of Olympic swimmers.  Every single time I go, I feel frustration building inside of me.  I want to cry.  I don't know anything and I don't know how to learn it.  I go to lecture and people ask stupid questions that make the material even harder to understand.  I look at my assignment and I don't even know where to begin.  And I try not to cry, because that would be embarrassing.

Then I think about how happy I was before, back when I had just listened to the end of the 1812 Overture, and I wish that I could hold on to that.

But it slips through my fingers.

Just So You Know

I survived the second week of school. 
It's only been two weeks.
What the heck.

I bought a planner.  It is crazy useful.  Already I've used it a ton.  Which makes sense because it is a planner and you usually write stuff in planners, at least, I do, when I remember to.  Also it makes sense because I have a lot of things to remember and if I don't write them down I won't remember.  My planner has kind of been instrumental in my surviving this week. 

Here's a picture.

It's a llama.  Can't you tell? 

I saw the fluffiest llama last weekend.  Or it was fat, it was hard to tell.

Sometimes we need friends to give us advice we don't want

So I was going crazy.  All I could think about was how much stuff I had to do and how little time I had to do it.  Then, it got worse.  The weekend happened.  So, naturally I was trying to get everything done the last day of it.  And nothing was working.  My mind wandered, I couldn't focus on anything.  I looked at my textbook sitting on my bed next to me and I wanted to cry.  Instead, I got angry.  Angry at everyone and everything.  Angry that I had so much to do and no one was helping me.  Angry that the printer didn't do what I thought I told it to do.  Angry that I needed to make dinner.  Angry that the weekend was over and I didn't feel relaxed.  Angry that I had to go to school, where it was going to get worse, not better and I was going to get further and further behind, while I scrambled to try and learn things and be successful and not go crazy.

So, here I am.  I have come to a decision.  Not really momentous, but it kind of feels that way, sort of.  I am going to drop a class.  Calculus 2, in fact.  Unfortunately, I can't leave it forever, I will have to take it sometime.  But that sometime doesn't have to be today.  I will probably be taking it next summer, which totally sucks.  But at least it's not right now.

I'm relieved. 

Down to 12.5 credits and I can really do this ^_^