Lots of stuff... well... maybe just some stuff

I keep getting this sinking feeling.  Mostly it is about how behind I feel in school.  There is so much to do and so little time.  How cliche.  So little time.

Every time that I sit down to do homework I stare at lists of what needs to be done and I wonder how in the world I am going to finish it.  I don't even know where to start. There's too much.

It's mostly the big assignments that worry me... but now they are all big... or late...

On a brighter (maybe just more exciting) note, I got hit in the face with a soccer ball.  It spun me around and I fell over.  But lest you panic and worry (or think I'm a wuss), I am fine, I think, and I got right back up and kept playing.  I hope I get a black eye, but I don't think I will.  I'm a little worried about my ear, though.  There was a ringing right when I got hit.  It went away, so I'm okay, right?  

On a truly brighter note, I get to see my nieces soonish, just as long as I survive the semester.

My niece prefers to push her stroller, rather than sit in it.  Isn't she awesome ^_^.

Goodbye, Death Valley.

So I wrote this about two weeks ago, but I wanted to add pictures and I loaned my camera to my sister, so I had to wait.

I just got back from a fantastic field trip to Death Valley in California.  We left early Friday morning and got back late Sunday night.  Through a series of events, I wasn't able to bring a tent.  But it was ok because the weather was perfect for sleeping outside.  The sky was clear, the stars were beautiful, the moon was just past full.  There was a bit of chill, but after the heat of the day, that was welcome.

We walked on sand dunes as high as two hundred feet.  We examined the sands, looking at their grain sizes and compositions, and guessed where we thought they came from.  Then trudged back to the vans in the scorching heat.

It was so hot! I thought I was going to die.

We ate lunch on a crater, where our bread toasted itself in the heat.  Then drove on a bumpy dirt road for nearly an hour at speeds that almost rattled my teeth out.  I seriously thought the vans were going to fall apart with us in them.  Then we saw the tracks that rocks make as they travel across playas.  I still think aliens are involved somehow.

Do you see the rock at the end of the trail?

We walked below sea level and tasted the rocks there.  Nice and salty.  Then we came home.

We are about 280 ft (85m) below sea level.

Yum ^_^

As glad as I was to come home, I wish that the field trip could have continued.  Reality is so difficult to navigate, it's always nice to have a break.

Trying to be Responsible

I moved my computer away from the tv. 

It was kind of a big production because I had to clear off my desk.  Somehow it became covered in junk.  I don't know where it all came from, it was just there.  I also had to move a pile of clothes off my chair.  Also, maybe I had to move some clothes off the floor so I could get to my chair...  There's a possibility I have too many clothes.

So, now I am going to be super productive, right? 

I certainly hope so, because things are happening with school, and stuff (mostly school), which means that I should probably watch a heck-a-ton less tv and do a heck-a-lot more homework.

Except, since moving my computer back where I won't be as distracted by tv, I have written a blog post instead of doing homework.  Whoops.   

I am in Love with My TV

There's this thing that I do called school that has killed any time that I have.  Except that really there's this other thing called TV that is the real culprit.
I'm sort of addicted.  And by sort of, I mean really a lot.
Basically, I am watching TV and going to school on the side.

There's this show that I really like that is on late at night, pretty much when I should be going to bed (actually, when it is on, I should probably already be asleep), and I just can't stop myself from watching it.  Even if I have seen the episode they are showing, it sucks me in.  My willpower disappears and I am glued to the TV screen.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to go to TV rehab soon.

A couple of days ago, I tried a new thing, I brought my computer down by the TV so I could do my homework during the commercials...  It didn't work.
I watched most of a Dick Van Dyke Show Marathon.  I also watched more TV and did less homework than before. 

What brilliantly, devious person came up with the idea of TV show marathons?  How is a person supposed to get anything done?  It's hard enough when the show plays once a week, or once a day.  But if it plays 18 times in a row, what's a person supposed to do? 

There's no escape.  There's only one solution.  I'm going to have to drop out of school.

Also, The Dick Van Dyke show is hilarious.  You should watch it.

I think sometimes I think too much

Sometimes I lay on the floor in front of my computer and I pretend to do homework, but really I'm listening to the TV playing downstairs, wondering what show my sister is watching and if I will regret it if I go down to see.

This weekend has been good.  I listened a lot.  And some things became clear to me.  I have to make some decisions, decisions I thought that I had already made, but I'm not sure if I decided the right thing, so I have to decide again.  These decisions scare me.  What if I am wrong?  What if I don't choose right?  What if there is no right and it doesn't matter what I decide, as long as I really decide, instead of decide by not deciding?  If that makes any sense.

I'm afraid of the future.  It's scary and full of possibilities and uncertain and I'm afraid I will ruin it.  But since I can't stop time, I guess I will just have to face my fears and move forward.

The Ups and Downs

I got out early from orchestra today and when I walked into the hallway I could hear the Philharmonic Orchestra rehearsing.  They were playing the end of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture (ctrl click on this, the best is 3:55 to the end).  It stopped me in my tracks.  I had to stay and listen.  I love that piece.  It is so powerful.
Whenever I hear great music it makes me cry. 

I walked to my next class playing the music in my mind, thrilled that the Phil would be performing it.

Then, I walked into class.

Every time I go to this class I feel inadequate.  I feel like I am drowning in a pool full of Olympic swimmers.  Every single time I go, I feel frustration building inside of me.  I want to cry.  I don't know anything and I don't know how to learn it.  I go to lecture and people ask stupid questions that make the material even harder to understand.  I look at my assignment and I don't even know where to begin.  And I try not to cry, because that would be embarrassing.

Then I think about how happy I was before, back when I had just listened to the end of the 1812 Overture, and I wish that I could hold on to that.

But it slips through my fingers.

Just So You Know

I survived the second week of school. 
It's only been two weeks.
What the heck.

I bought a planner.  It is crazy useful.  Already I've used it a ton.  Which makes sense because it is a planner and you usually write stuff in planners, at least, I do, when I remember to.  Also it makes sense because I have a lot of things to remember and if I don't write them down I won't remember.  My planner has kind of been instrumental in my surviving this week. 

Here's a picture.

It's a llama.  Can't you tell? 

I saw the fluffiest llama last weekend.  Or it was fat, it was hard to tell.

Sometimes we need friends to give us advice we don't want

So I was going crazy.  All I could think about was how much stuff I had to do and how little time I had to do it.  Then, it got worse.  The weekend happened.  So, naturally I was trying to get everything done the last day of it.  And nothing was working.  My mind wandered, I couldn't focus on anything.  I looked at my textbook sitting on my bed next to me and I wanted to cry.  Instead, I got angry.  Angry at everyone and everything.  Angry that I had so much to do and no one was helping me.  Angry that the printer didn't do what I thought I told it to do.  Angry that I needed to make dinner.  Angry that the weekend was over and I didn't feel relaxed.  Angry that I had to go to school, where it was going to get worse, not better and I was going to get further and further behind, while I scrambled to try and learn things and be successful and not go crazy.

So, here I am.  I have come to a decision.  Not really momentous, but it kind of feels that way, sort of.  I am going to drop a class.  Calculus 2, in fact.  Unfortunately, I can't leave it forever, I will have to take it sometime.  But that sometime doesn't have to be today.  I will probably be taking it next summer, which totally sucks.  But at least it's not right now.

I'm relieved. 

Down to 12.5 credits and I can really do this ^_^

Happy Things that Happen

Want to hear something FANTASTIC?

Of course you do, why wouldn't you?

I became employed today!
I'm going to be working with a professor on a project.  I don't get to work many hours, which is perfectly fine, because, well, if you read my last blog post you know why.  But I'm so happy because I'm earning some (a very little) monies, while I am getting valuable experience. 

Isn't this fantastic! 

By the way, I love the word 'fantastic'.  I think it is a fantastic word.  It can be said with genuine feeling, but it is also brilliant when used sarcastically.  Overall, it rates among my favorite words.  You know what else is a great word?  Bulbous. ^_^

I'm a little bit concerned: Part 2

You might be wondering why in my previous post I claimed that my demise was imminent. 

Well, here are the facts:     

• I am taking 16.5 credit hours.
• That is seven classes.
• Two of them are 4 credits.
• Two of them are 3 credits.
• I have a 1 credit hour class that is really 3 hours of class.
• I have another 1 credit hour class that is 4 hours of class.
• Maybe one of my teachers told us that if we had a heavy load of classes we shouldn't take her class yet. 
• Maybe I have no plans to drop that class.
• Maybe I can't understand my Chemistry lab TA's accent, so I have a hard time knowing what he is saying.
• Maybe I really need to be able to understand what he's saying.
• I'm having a really hard time focusing on my homework.
• I have tons of homework already.

These are just a few of many reasons why I might die.

Here are some reasons why I think I will survive:

• I have really great friends who say encouraging things.
• My mom always says I can do hard things. 
• Maybe sometimes I believe her.
• Also I can draw pictures like this:

Yes, that is a Unicorn ^_^

     
    
    

I'm a little bit concerned

Fall semester started yesterday. 


I'm gonna die.

I'm not a zombie, am I?

I totally feel like a zombie.

Maybe I'm just sleep walking.

I've read six books since Monday afternoon.  It's Wednesday.

These crazy bananas are for you.

There's this thing that happened that makes me so happy!

So I emailed a professor a couple of days ago asking if I could work with him as a research assistant.  And, first off, this was a very hard thing for me to do, because I am pretty much terrified of professors. (I don't know why, they are just scary) 
WELL, today I checked my email AND HE'D RESPONDED!!!!

This is what he said:

"Thanks for your interest in working with my research team. Please come by sometime and we can talk about possibilities"

I'm so excited.  I don't even know if that means anything for real, but there are POSSIBILITIES!!!!!!


Also, I tried drawing a picture to show you how excited I am, but it looked super creepy.

So instead I drew a picture of a rainbow and a unicorn, which also shows you how excited I am.

Also, I think the unicorn looks kind of terrifying.
Oh well. ^_^

There's this thing that I forgot to say

So back to my vacation in California.  Remember how I said it was very memorable, I might even go so far as to say epic.

During our super long day at Disneyland my brother wasn't feeling very well.  We would walk to a ride and he would sit down and look very sick, then go on the ride with us, then sit down and look sick again.  So, one time we got on a little kiddie ride and when we got off, he shared something special with the sidewalk.

I drew a picture to show you, but it was kind of grossing me out, so I figured it would probably gross you out, too, and maybe that's not the kind of thing that people want to see on a blog. 

Anyway, he threw up, a lot. 

Then he threw up a few more times.  Pretty much, he was super sick.  So my dad took him to our motel so he could be sick in comfort.  I think he slept all day.

What's a vacation without some throw up?

Good News, Folks!

I passed both my classes this term!
Yay!
You know what that means?  I never have to take the first half of Calculus again, and I never have to take the second half of Chemistry again, either.  Isn't that awesome!

So after I finished both my finals I flew to Los Angeles to join my family in a family vacation at Disneyland.  It was, as you might say, memorable.

#1.  I missed my flight to California.  Luckily, I was able to get on a flight leaving three hours later.  I hate airports.

The flight lady told me not to cry.  Of course I'm going to cry.  I missed my flight.  Seriously, what else did she think that I would do?

#2.  I dropped my camera on the side of the road, by a bus stop, didn't realize it was gone until half an hour later.

#3.  I spent 17 hours in Disneyland/California Adventure in one day. 

  #4.  My mom lost her camera, too.

 Luckily, it got found. 

Overall, it was a crazy, mad, lucky, awesome trip to California. 

Glad to be back home, I need a vacation from my vacation.

Me and My Hammer

This is me and my hammer.

This is me and my hammer watching tv.

(Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, in case you were wondering, except I forgot to give Alice hair.  Whoops.)

This is me and my hammer cooking dinner.

This is me and my hammer imagining that a monster from Doctor Who is in the hall waiting to attack me with its clockness.

(He's saying "Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.")

Tied Together

My sister and I just finished making two quilts.  We've never made quilts before.  I've tried one time, but I never finished it.

I really like the idea of quilting.  I like the way that quilts feel.  They are so cozy and warm and lovely.  When you wrap yourself in a quilt, you can feel the love that went into making it.  There is no way to feel the warmth of a quilt, without feeling that love.  It is always there.  There is something about making a quilt that infuses it with love.  I don't know what it is.  Maybe it is because making a quilt is personal.  You sit there and spend hours working on the quilt.  You usually work on it with other people and you talk and you laugh and you gossip and you make it yours, then you give it to someone and it is filled with power, filled with heart, with love.

Maybe this sounds cheesy, but I believe there is magic in quilts, a magic of healing, a magic of hope, of caring, of love.

I hope that the quilts my sister and I made find someone who needs this love, this warmth, this peace and I hope that they feel loved when they wrap themselves in blankets made halfway around the world.

I made this for you

I made you a picture of what I looked like three weeks ago, back when I was awesome and rode my bike to school. 

I'm still awesome, I just don't ride my bike to school ^_^ 

5 hours and 45 minutes

That's how long I have spent in the Testing Center in the last two days.  One test took 4 and a half hours and the other one took 1 hour and 15 minutes and I forgot to answer one question. 

BLECH!!!

On the bright side... wait... there is no bright side. 

Ok, maybe there is a bright side.  I will be done with classes in three weeks... at least until Fall semester starts two weeks later...

My Poor Hands

Remember how I told you about how I slept on my hand and it turned into a swollen monster (the part after my brain exploded).  Well, I've sort of been beating up on that hand this last week.

You see, once upon a time I went away for a weekend and my finger got bit my something that might have been a mosquito, but now I'm not sure because it swelled up so much and there were like three bites on it and it doesn't really look that much like a mosquito bite, but I'm not sure.

Then once upon a time after that, I was throwing some laundry in the dryer and maybe I slammed my thumb in the door to the dryer, which apparently is quite sharp, because now there is a cut on my thumb and it hurts quite a bit.

School and Holidays don't mix

As I may have mentioned before, I am taking classes this summer.  There are two of them and they are both pretty difficult. 
First, there is Chemistry.  I am sort of retaking this class, so it is a bit easier than it would otherwise be, but the work is accelerated to fit into a summer term.  So that cancels out the easy. 
I did, however, rock the first test.  I got a 90% on the multiple choice portion and am waiting to hear about the written part, but I have high hopes.

My second class, feels like a different story.  It is Calculus.  I took calculus in high school, five years ago.  This means it is all forgotten (not that I learned very well the first time).  So it is a lot of hard work and it is accelerated.  It makes my head explode and it makes steam come out of my ears.  I feel like I understand a lot of it, then I try and work out a problem and I get it wrong.  My first test is tomorrow (yikes!). 

BUT, regardless of if I am understanding anything of what I am learning this summer, I should not have to turn in assignments on the day that I am celebrating my country's independence.  I should be able to go out and party with no cares in the world.  I shouldn't have to be jealous of the laughter that I am hearing outside, while I slave away at a computer trying to figure out why my answer is not acceptable.  ALSO, I shouldn't have assignments that are normally due on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, be due on a TUESDAY, unless specifically told by the teacher that it would be so.  ALSO, how in the world did everyone else in the class know it would be due? 

Never take classes during the summer if you have plans to actually do anything else. 
You will die.

First Week=Done

Well, I survived the first week of classes.

It's great, because at the end of each and every day I feel like a zombie.  I come home and I lay down on the floor and pass out.  Then, I wake up and do my homework for hours, then I go to bed.

Also, my brain has exploded many times this last week.  I didn't know it was possible for one's brain to explode more than once, but it can and did.  I drew you a picture of my brain exploding, in case you wondered what it looked like.  I have a feeling that before this term is over my brain will have blown up a lot more times.

On a different note, my wrist was hurting a few nights ago, so I wrapped it in an ace bandage, because that always makes me feel better, then I went to bed.  I didn't really think about how I usually sleep on my hands and arms.  When I woke up, my hand was HUGE!  It was so swollen.  My fingers were sausages and when I closed my hand into a fist, you could barely see the knuckles.  It felt really weird. 
When I showed my sister, she laughed so hard that she cried.  My mom was more worried that I would lose my hand.  Luckily, it's back to normal now.  I guess I'd better be careful about sleeping on my hands.

Guess how long it took me to get to school today

It took 45 minutes!!!

First, let me say how amazing it is that I was able to bike to school in 45 minutes.  I am awesome.  I didn't even die.  Except I did sort of feel like throwing up when I finally got to campus.  But, I didn't.  You should be praising my awesomeness.

Second, what was I thinking?!!!?  My legs are so sore and my back aches and I brought my text books, which I never want to do again and did I mention my legs are sore. 

Third, what was I thinking!!??!!!?!  You might think I already said that, and you would be correct, but this time I am refering to my decision to take classes this summer.  I am going to try and take two classes this term, it is a month and a half long, I will have class every day, and homework FOREVER.  I also don't even want to tell you what classes I am taking because then you will think I am crazy, which I am, but I'm embarassed about it.  Ok, fine, I will tell you.  I am taking Chemistry and Calculus.  Except, I'm thinking that maybe I can wait to take Calculus in the Fall, but we'll see.  It is only the first day, and I haven't even been to Calculus yet (I just know it will be awful, probably).

Fourth (I bet you forgot I was counting, huh), what was I thinking?!!!???!??!  Again, you might be thinking I said this before, and again, you would be right, but this time it is because my first class is at 8 in the morning...  This makes me sad.  Mornings are pretty and all, but they are for sleeping.

Fifth, now I have homework.  Blech.

I went Camping

We didn't see any bears, which is fine.

My friend's son was really worried that we would be attacked and eaten by bears.  But, we weren't.

So Pretty.

It's always hard to sleep the first night that you go camping.  The ground is too hard, your face gets too cold, you keep sliding to the side of your tent, your pillow doesn't stay under your head (assuming you brought a pillow) and wild animals are circling the tent waiting for the perfect moment to strike.  I did eventually fall asleep and only woke up a few times to cover up my face because my nose was cold.  Camping is great.

While we were in the wilderness, we hiked up to Timpanogos Cave.  I don't know if you've been there, but it is spectacular.  The hike isn't bad and the formations in the cave are absolutely beautiful.  I was totally geeking out.

Isn't this Awesome!!!

After that we went and "swam" in a reservoir (to swim, verb: to dip ones toes in the water) .  It was so cold, I thought I was going to die.  I made a deal with an eight year old that if he got all the way in the water, I would too...

Like I said, it was freezing.  I didn't stay in very long, I could feel my bones starting to crack from the cold.  Not really, but I did have to remind myself to breathe.

Spectacular View.

Then we came home.
Camping is great. 
The End.

Potatoes

I went to my cousin's wedding this weekend.  It was a lovely wedding.  Short and sweet.  (Congrats to my cousin and his wife, I wish you all the best.)

So while we were waiting for the reception we thought we would take a look around the city. 

Blackfoot, Idaho has the most fantastic museum.  It is the Potato Museum.

We weren't able to go inside, it was closed, but we did take pictures outside...

...with the giant potato.
Do you see me in the picture?  I am dwarfed by a potato.  Who would have though that would be possible.

If you ever make it to Blackfoot, Idaho I recommend you make your way to the potato museum.  It will change your life... not really, but maybe.

I also hear there is a mental hospital that is really creepy and probably haunted, if you like that kind of thing.

Also, I love eating potatoes, just so you know.

Vacation is Over

My vacation is over now :(

It was fabulous, but I'm sad I had to leave.  I maybe cried a little.

Vacation Time

It's vacation time.

Good thing I have no job and no real adult responsibilities.

So far on this vacation I have seen a dead chicken being eaten by kittens (gross, I know, but it's not something you see every day.  Also, I'm pretty sure kittens aren't supposed to do that), petted a donkey, hit a bird while driving (that's never happened to me before, it was really quite a shock), seen a motorcycle gang, driven fourteen hours, had donuts for breakfast, read to my niece for at least an hour, yelled under the overpasses (or as we like to call them, micro tunnels), and just been having a ball.

But Mom, I promise, no fun, we never have fun without you.

Meet Brother

A few weeks ago my brother told me "I'm going to start asking people what belt they are in carfu."

My thought process went like this: What the heck does that mean?

Then I said, "Brother, what the heck does that mean?"

So he told me what it meant.  He would have told me even if I hadn't asked.  See that's what happens when you talk to my brother, you learn a lot of things without ever having to ask.  It's fantastic.

Did you know there is more than one type of zombie?  Some of them protect you, while taking out all the other zombies, so they can have your brains all to themselves.

I know who I'm going to call when the zombie apocalypse happens.

By the way, carfu is the martial art of hurting people with a car... or something like that.

The Alphabet, or Twenty-Two

A:  I took Sister to work again today.
B.  5 am is way too early.
C.  What is Sister's work thinking!
D.  I waited an hour for ten minutes of a Japanese Drama to load on my computer.
E.  It's worth waiting for.
D.  I just typed a D, when I meant an F.
F.  Good thing I'm not in Kindergarten anymore.  
G.  I would fail.
H.  I went to see a movie.
I.  It was sold out.
J.  I bought a power strip instead.
K.  I have a soccer game tomorrow.
L.   I really like soccer.
M.  Pretty much, if I could, I would play soccer everyday.
N.  I bought my cleats from a thrift store.
O.  They still work fine.
P.  Thrift stores are fantastic.
Q.  I like to buy books there.
R.  I like to buy books anywhere.
S.  Books are fantastic.
T.  Apparently tomorrow is the end of the world.
Z.  I can't think of anything else to say.

Super Glue, or Where Are My Glasses?

Me: Where are my glasses?  Have you seen them?
Sister: Are those them on the bed?
Me: Crap!
Sister: What's wrong?
Me: I sat on them.

Having worn glasses for five years now, you would think I would be better at taking care of them.  However, in those five years I have broken my glasses at least six times.  I survived two years before I first broke them, but since then... they just keep breaking.

The first time was not my fault... I think.  They just, sort of, broke. 

The second time I forgot to take them off as I changed my shirt, they just snapped right in half.  I tried to tape them... It didn't work, they just drooped down my face.  I looked like a sad puppy dog.  I had to take them to get fixed.

The third time I broke them I was playing soccer and I decided to head the ball.  I was wearing my glasses and I'm not very good at heading the ball.  It wasn't my smartest moment.  Fortunately, I was able to fix them myself that time.  A little super glue solved everything.

The fourth time, I took a nap on the couch and they fell into the couch and I squished them.

After that, I was super careful with my glasses, until I dropped them on the ground and they broke.  They held together, but they were super crooked.  Really, really, really crooked.  When I glued them back together that was fixed.

Two weeks ago, I sat on my glasses. 

I can't find the super glue.
I know we have some, so I can't just go out and buy more.

My glasses are really, really, really crooked again.

Good thing I have contacts.

Why My Sister Owes Me for Life, or Sometimes it is Five in the Morning

Sometimes it is five in the morning.  Five AM, you might call it.  Ridiculously early, you might say.  And, sometimes when it is five in the morning, my sister has to work.  Now, normally I wouldn't care what time my sister works.  I sympathize, no one should have to be at work at five in the morning.  But, it's her, not me.

However, she doesn't drive.  At all.  Which means we have conversations that go like this:

Sister: Milsa, you want to take me to work tomorrow, right?
Me: [groaning] What time?
Sister: Five.
Me: I hate you.

But I take her to work, sacrificing my very important sleep, waking up hours before any person should be even thinking about venturing outside, and I even get her there on time.  Which is why she owes me for life.